The First Three Days Home - Why FIFO Re-entry Is Harder Than Anyone Talks About

"Every return home starts from scratch."

After years of working FIFO, that line has come to define the rhythm of my life. Coming home isn’t just flying back from site…it’s navigating an emotional and psychological shift that never really gets easier, no matter how many times you do it. We don’t talk about it much, but the truth is re-entry is hard. And not just for us, but for the people we love.

The Split Worlds We Live In

On-site, life is regimented. I wake at 4:00 a.m., slide through a routine with military precision, and by 4:20 I’m fully on. My days are filled with decisions that impact safety, performance, and morale. I manage people, pressure, and time. It’s high-functioning, high- impact and relentless.

Meanwhile, life at home doesn’t pause. My wife is holding the fort, she’s parenting, running the household, navigating the emotional highs and lows of three growing boys. The household develops its own rhythm in my absence, a rhythm I unknowingly disrupt the moment I walk through the door.

And yet, when I get home, I crave presence. I want connection, intimacy, laughter. I want to feel the pulse of my family again. But for my wife, it’s often the opposite. She needs space, peace, a reprieve from being needed. And I arrive, full of need.

That’s the clash and we both feel it - every. single. time.

When Emotional States Collide

I recently had two conversations that echoed this tension perfectly. One was with a friend whose husband had just returned from five weeks at sea. She felt crowded by his re-entry, pressured to match his energy and recalibrate her life around him. The other was with a mate who’s struggling with how disconnected he feels every time he gets home.

What struck me was the symmetry:

• FIFO workers come home with full hearts and empty tanks, needing closeness.
• Our partners are running on fumes from holding it all together, needing solitude.

No one is wrong. But no one talks about how to navigate that mismatch. So, we end up stepping on each other’s toes, emotionally speaking. We push for closeness when they need quiet. They pull away when we’re leaning in. Misunderstanding becomes resentment. Silence becomes tension.

The Bull in the China Shop

I’ve described myself before as a bull entering a neatly arranged china shop. That’s exactly how it feels. My lovely wifes systems work. The kids are in rhythm. And I barge in with enthusiasm, opinions, and emotional need.

I’m not trying to dismantle the structure….I just want to belong in it again. But I haven’t earned my way back into the flow. I’ve missed the last two weeks of micro decisions, small arguments, projects, laughs, tears, and grocery runs. I’ve missed the story….and they’ve lived it.

So instead of walking softly, I often arrive too loud, too eager, too out of sync. That imbalance creates friction, not because anyone’s doing anything wrong but because the transition needs space, patience, and awareness.

What I’m Learning

I don’t have it all figured out. But I’ve learned a few things that help:

• Self-awareness matters: I’ve started checking in with myself before I even land. What am I hoping for? What might my wife need? Where are our energies likely to clash? How am I feeling and what do I need to keep in check?
• Decompression isn’t optional: I need to give myself a soft landing too. Instead of launching into fixing things or taking over, I try to listen, observe, and absorb the tone of the home.
• Ask, don’t assume: I now try to ask my wife how the last two weeks were, what she needs from me in the first few days. I also share what I’m feeling without expecting her to fix anything.
• Drop the script: I no longer expect those first 72 hours to be perfect. I don’t need hugs, laughter, and deep conversations right away (well I do but im a big boy and can manage). Sometimes we just co-exist gently and that’s okay.

Why I Still Choose FIFO

Despite all of it, I still believe this way of working gives me something precious…extended time with my family when I’m home. Yes, the first few days can feel like climbing emotional Everest in work boots. But once we’re through it, we get 11 days of deep presence that most people working a 9to 5 can only dream of.

I’ve traded daily convenience for condensed, high-quality time. I’d make that trade again and again….every time

But it’s only sustainable if I honour the transition. If I recognise the cost it has on my partner. If I respect the system that runs without me and learn to gently re-enter it instead of storming back in.

That’s my commitment….and my work….every swing.

FIFO Re-Entry Playbook: Navigating the First 72 Hours at Home

The first three days home from FIFO aren’t just about transitioning locations, they're about realigning hearts, expectations, and energy. It’s where the biggest disconnect can happen, but also where the strongest foundations can be laid. This playbook is a gentle framework for re-entry, based on lived experience, empathy, and hard won clarity.

Day 1 – The Gentle Arrival: “Enter like a whisper, not a storm.”

Don’t make up for lost time.
You’ve missed the family. You’re craving them. But coming in loud, opinionated or overly needy creates pressure. Day one isn’t about proving anything, it’s about being present.

Observe before you act.
Life didn’t pause while you were gone. The routines have adapted. Notice what’s changed before diving in.

Let your presence speak.
Just being available, physically and emotionally, tells your family that you’re truly back.

Day 2 – Reconnecting with Rhythm: “Don’t rush to lead, start by walking beside.”

Slot in, don’t disrupt.
Even if you want to help, barging into the household flow can throw everyone off.

Be useful in small ways.
Pick one thing and do it well.

Give your partner air.
Taking the kids out for an hour might be worth more than any gift.

Day 3 – Opening the Heart: “Be available before being vulnerable.”

Create time for intimacy but don’t force it.
Intimacy begins with connection, not pressure.

Talk….but listen more.
Ask, “What’s something you wish I understood better about your past two weeks?”

Share a small future, it can really be anything...weeding the garden and planting it out or going to the movies.
Hope binds people. Shared plans re-knit intimacy.

Final Words

These three days aren’t a formula…..they’re a mindset. Re-entry isn’t just your landing, it’s their adjustment too. The key is softness. Humility. Presence. And knowing that love doesn’t roar, it returns like a tide, steady and certain.