Helping Kids with High Anxiety: Walking Beside Them, Not Fixing Them

If you’ve ever had a child gripped by anxiety, you’ll know how tough it is...not just for them, but for the whole family. Our boy Eli is like that. He’s bright, funny, endlessly creative, but he also carries a weight of worry that sneaks up on him in ways most kids his age don’t have to deal with.

It’s easy to wish it away, to think “he’ll grow out of it” or “just toughen up” but the truth is, anxiety doesn’t have to be his enemy. In fact, it can be the very thing that shapes him into a compassionate, resilient, and insightful man one day. Our job isn’t to fix him. It’s to walk beside him.

Anxiety Isn’t Weakness

Ive learnt a lot over the last few days researching the subject. Anxiety is basically the brain’s alarm system. It says, “Something might go wrong - better be ready.” For kids like Eli, that alarm goes off more often and louder than it needs to. It’s not weakness. It’s not drama. It’s his brain working overtime to keep him safe.

Knowing that changes how we respond. It tells me to meet him with empathy instead of frustration, patience instead of pressure.

Building Resilience (One Step at a Time)

I read some fantastic articles on the subject. Here's what I gleaned: Resilience isn’t about “getting rid” of anxiety. It’s about Eli learning: “I can handle this.” And that doesn’t happen all at once. It happens slowly, in small steps.

• Normalise Feelings
  When Eli’s nervous before something, we should tell him,“It’s okay to feel this way. Lots of people do.” That reminder strips away the shame.
• Start Small
  If he’s anxious about a social event, we shouldn't push him into the deep end. We break it down. Ten minutes at the new experience. One question answered in homeschool. Small, safe wins stacked up over time.

I’ve seen it first hand. Not long ago, Eli was terrified about joining a rugby team. Instead of forcing him, we hung around, just watching. He joined in for one part of training. Now? He runs in, smiling with his friends, like he owns the place.

• Celebrate Effort, Not Perfection
  When he tries....even if it’s messy....we let him know how proud we are. Not because he nailed it, but because he showed up. That’s where confidence grows.

The Small Things That Matter

Sometimes it’s the little habits that make the biggest difference.

• Model Calm
  Kids copy us more than they listen to us. If I snap, Eli snaps quicker. If I breathe through it, he notices.
• Keep Routines Predictable
  Structure gives him something solid to stand on. Even small things....dinner at the same time, bedtime rituals, school rituals....calm his system.
• Coping Tools
  Deep breaths, grounding techniques, or even just a book he can retreat to. We’ve made these part of our toolkit.

Our own ritual is saying "take a deep breath Eli", tell us why you're nervous? what can you do about it? what can we do to help?

The Whole Family Plays a Part

Anxiety isn’t Eli’s job to carry alone. It’s a family effort.

• Talk About It
  We make feelings normal at the dinner table. No hushed tones, no judgement. Just part of being human.
• Problem-Solve Together
  Instead of telling him what to do, we ask: “What might help you feel braver next time?” He thinks, he answers, and the ownership is his.
• Avoid Bubble-Wrapping
  The temptation is to shield him from every stress. But that makes the world scarier. Instead, we support him through challenges, letting him build strength without being overwhelmed.

The Hidden Strengths of Anxious Kids

Here’s the thing: anxious kids often have incredible superpowers.

• Eli’s empathy is off the charts. He notices when someone else is upset long before anyone else does.
• He’s detail-oriented. Nothing slips past him.
• He’s creative. His imagination is vast, and he pours his feelings into stories, games, and wild ideas.

When we focus on these strengths, Eli starts to see himself not as “the anxious kid,” but as someone capable, valuable, and gifted.

Final Thought

Helping a child with anxiety isn’t about “fixing” them. It’s about walking beside them, teaching them tools, and reminding them they’re stronger than they think.

Eli’s anxiety is part of his story but it doesn’t define him. And when I look at the boy he is, and the man I know he’ll become, I see resilience in the making.

As parents, our job isn’t to silence the alarm bells. It’s to help our kids learn how to live, grow, and thrive even when the bells are ringing.