Anchored – A Father's Reflection on Self, Change, and Legacy

There are times when the questions matter more than the answers.

I hit one of those recently. Asked myself five of them — deep, uncomfortable, honest questions. And somewhere in the mess of it all, I didn’t find clarity in the clean slate kind of way... but I did find a clearer shape to who I am. Where I’m standing. Where I want to go and ill probably ask myself these same questions a few years from now....

1. When do I feel most myself?

Not when I’m ticking off tasks or managing people.

It’s when I’m playing with my boys, or with a couple of close mates. When everything’s loose. Unfiltered. Unscheduled. No one trying to impress anyone.

Iit’s on the trails with my friends or just being an idiot with the boys at home. It's when my wife and I are alone, bored and just musing on life. It's when im wandering the property at 630 in the morning, cup of coffee in hand and inspecting the trees. No performance, no pressure..... just the version of me that isn’t trying to be anything else.

2. What do I believe that most people would disagree with?

That there’s something going on behind the curtain of life.

Not a god. Not a religion. Just….something. A rhythm. A pattern. Too many “coincidences” that feel tailored. Too many lessons that seem perfectly timed. Could be projection. Could be meaning. Either way, I’m here for it.

At the very least, I’m grateful. For consciousness. For the ability to reflect, question, wonder.

That in itself feels sacred. That in itself feels real.

3. When did I last surprise myself in a good way?

The cubby house.

Meant to be a quick and dirty Chrissy present. Turned into something real. I just got into it, no hesitation, no doubting myself.

My wife, sons and I stood back when it was done and realised what we’d actually created. Functional, beautiful (well in a sturdy, rustic kinda way), made by hand - our hands. That surprised me more than it should’ve because it's not a cubby house....it's a creation that will remind us all of what we can do when we work together.

Turns out I had more in the tank than I realised. Confidence I didn’t know I had.

4. Am I outgrowing parts of my life faster than those around me?

Yeah. By a long way.

I’m shifting from playing the game to wondering why we’re playing it at all...money, success, systems, morality. All of it.

I used to measure myself by the same yardsticks as everyone else - job title, income, achievements, image. That’s what I thought being me meant - get the house, climb the ladder, play by the rules. But now, it all feels… hollow. Like we’re sprinting on a treadmill someone else built, chasing goals we didn’t choose, inside systems we’ve never questioned.

I’m not angry. Just… awake.

Awake to how we’re shaped to compete instead of connect. To consume instead of create. To obey instead of observe. I don’t want to teach my boys to win a game that doesn’t feed their soul. I want them to see it clearly, question it bravely, and walk their own path......even if it means going against the grain.

And now I’ve got these three boys watching me. Do I show them the truth too early? Or do I let them enjoy the myth a little longer?

It’s a heavy question. But it’s the right one.

5. How do I want my sons to remember me?

Not as “Dad the Provider.” Not as “Dad the Disciplinarian.”

I want them to remember a feeling - solid, calm, steady. Someone who could laugh, love, lead, and sit in the storm without flinching.

If I had to sum it up in one word?

Anchored.

These aren’t final answers. They’re signposts. Markers on the path forward. And maybe that’s the point......not to arrive anywhere, but to keep walking with your eyes open and your values intact.

To keep showing up, especially when it matters most.

So if you’re sitting with your own quiet questions, don’t shy away from them. Ask the uncomfortable ones. The ones you normally bury.

And answer like no one’s watching.

You might just find your own anchor.